Could John McClane Beat Up Tyler Durden?

I am a huge fan of the Die Hard franchise.  I suppose this doesn’t say much, considering I’m a contemporary American man who generally enjoys most gratuitous displays of masculinity.  But in a world where men are quickly becoming sissies (or “girly men” as Arnold would put it), I find solace in Bruce Willis.

Thank you Bruce, for all the violence and pain you inflict upon your enemies, whilst simultaneously taunting them in original and colorful ways.

I was reading cracked.com today (aa I so often do), and I happened upon this little nugget of joy.
5 Awesome Movies Ruined By Last-Minute Changes
It was a very good article.  I have seen all 5 movies, but not every possible ending to each.  And still, I agree with almost every point they made, spefically the one about the fourth Die Hard film.

You know what I’m talking about.  The PG-13 rating on this one.  It’s old news, but it still stings me.  Although the special effects, violence, and overall adrenaline in this film are stepped up (I wouldn’t expect anything less from a Die Hard sequel), a true fan of the series sees the obvious flaws.  There are only two major flaws, but they are big enough to throw a tantrum over.

The first is the blood.  They actually digitally removed blood from this film.  This reminds me of Total Recall, where they cut scenes and dulled colors (specifically blood) to get it an R rating.  This is back in 1990 when a PG-13 rating was actually acceptable for kids 13 and older, and didn’t mean you could get away with saying the F word once.  I’m sorry, but I think you’re missing the point of a Die Hard film?  There are three ingredients.  Bruce Willis, punchy one-liners, and as much blood as you can cram into 130 minutes.  Which brings me to my next point.

Punchy one-liners.  Does this movie have them?  Yes.  Most definitely.  But if you’re waiting for McClane’s catch phrase (and if you haven’t heard already), they PG-13′d it up.  And I mean 1990 standards.  No F word.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not an advocate for gratuitous cursing.  But it’s just not Die Hard without Willis’ signature line.  They make a solid effort to cover it up, but it’s not enough.

Final conclusion: you’re missing 2 out of 3 ingredients, guys!  But that’s ok!  Live Free or Die Hard is out on DVD now, and guess what.  It’s uncut.  That means (according to cracked.com):

“The unrated DVD release of the film contains numerous scenes that were removed from the theatrical cut. McClane gets to say his favorite phrase, and more graphic and visceral action scenes replaced the embarrassingly neutered material.”

Yippee Ki Yay.

Some other interesting details:

On listverse’s Top 10 Bada** Movie Characters, McClane is listed at number 5.

McClane’s son (who hasn’t appeared in a Die Hard film since the first) was originally going to be in the fourth film, played by Justin Timberlake.  I wonder how that would’ve turned out.