Could John McClane Beat Up Tyler Durden?

I am a huge fan of the Die Hard franchise.  I suppose this doesn’t say much, considering I’m a contemporary American man who generally enjoys most gratuitous displays of masculinity.  But in a world where men are quickly becoming sissies (or “girly men” as Arnold would put it), I find solace in Bruce Willis.

Thank you Bruce, for all the violence and pain you inflict upon your enemies, whilst simultaneously taunting them in original and colorful ways.

I was reading cracked.com today (aa I so often do), and I happened upon this little nugget of joy.
5 Awesome Movies Ruined By Last-Minute Changes
It was a very good article.  I have seen all 5 movies, but not every possible ending to each.  And still, I agree with almost every point they made, spefically the one about the fourth Die Hard film.

You know what I’m talking about.  The PG-13 rating on this one.  It’s old news, but it still stings me.  Although the special effects, violence, and overall adrenaline in this film are stepped up (I wouldn’t expect anything less from a Die Hard sequel), a true fan of the series sees the obvious flaws.  There are only two major flaws, but they are big enough to throw a tantrum over.

The first is the blood.  They actually digitally removed blood from this film.  This reminds me of Total Recall, where they cut scenes and dulled colors (specifically blood) to get it an R rating.  This is back in 1990 when a PG-13 rating was actually acceptable for kids 13 and older, and didn’t mean you could get away with saying the F word once.  I’m sorry, but I think you’re missing the point of a Die Hard film?  There are three ingredients.  Bruce Willis, punchy one-liners, and as much blood as you can cram into 130 minutes.  Which brings me to my next point.

Punchy one-liners.  Does this movie have them?  Yes.  Most definitely.  But if you’re waiting for McClane’s catch phrase (and if you haven’t heard already), they PG-13′d it up.  And I mean 1990 standards.  No F word.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not an advocate for gratuitous cursing.  But it’s just not Die Hard without Willis’ signature line.  They make a solid effort to cover it up, but it’s not enough.

Final conclusion: you’re missing 2 out of 3 ingredients, guys!  But that’s ok!  Live Free or Die Hard is out on DVD now, and guess what.  It’s uncut.  That means (according to cracked.com):

“The unrated DVD release of the film contains numerous scenes that were removed from the theatrical cut. McClane gets to say his favorite phrase, and more graphic and visceral action scenes replaced the embarrassingly neutered material.”

Yippee Ki Yay.

Some other interesting details:

On listverse’s Top 10 Bada** Movie Characters, McClane is listed at number 5.

McClane’s son (who hasn’t appeared in a Die Hard film since the first) was originally going to be in the fourth film, played by Justin Timberlake.  I wonder how that would’ve turned out.

S. Darko: Besmirching Donnie’s Good Name

Some of you have seen Donnie Darko.  Some of you haven’t.  If you were to say that you haven’t, I would have to say, “you are a cinematic idiot and I’d feel sorry for you.” - Jack Black in High Fidelity

Donnie Darko was a masterpiece of indie film before everyone was making them.  If you are an indie film fan, you most likely have seen this movie more than once.  Sadly, if you’re not, you might not even enjoy this film.

Either way, they’re making a sequel to Donnie Darko.  As far as I can tell, the announcement came out some time around May 9 (that’s when all the news articles started popping up).  But one thing is certain…this movie is gonna be a dramatic disappointment.  Following are some details about the film.  You can draw your own conclusions.  And although I highly recommend avoiding this film, Darko fans are sure to see this, despite the laundry list of reasons not to.

The film is title S. Darko.  In case you haven’t seen the original, I suggest renting it (or borrowing it from me) before reading the following spoiler: For those who forgot, Donnie is dead.  The sequel takes place approximately 7 years after the first film and follows Donnie’s youngest sister, Samantha.  The one shining light in this movie is that they actually have Daveigh Chase returning from the first film as Sam.

However, my biggest beef is that the original director Richard Kelly is not even remotely involved in the sequel.  Instead, Chris Fisher is directing.  He states that, “I am a great admirer of Richard Kelly’s film and hope to create a similar world of blurred fantasy and reality.”  Why doesn’t this make me feel any better?  Oh!  Because being a “great admirer” of anybody does not necessarily mean you can produce something of the same capacity.  In fact, you are far more likely to butcher it than produce a worthy sequel.

Probably the most ominous representation of this movie comes from Simon Crowe of the UK sales company Velvet Octopus (the company releasing the flim): “Donnie’s not in [the new film] but there are meteorites and rabbits.”

Wow.

Filming started May 18.

Boondocks Saints 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This from Wikipedia:

“Troy Duffy, posted a video on his YouTube account on March 17th, 2008 (in possible accordance with the holiday St. Patrick’s Day) which detailed that the sequel has been given a green light by Sony and is set to have the entire cast return with the exception of Willem Dafoe. This film will begin shooting summer of 2008 according to Duffy.^[27] The clip was taken down from YouTube shortly after it was uploaded, but remains on other accounts.”

Feel free to Google or YouTube “Boondock Saints 2″ if you’re skeptical.

Bad Ice Cream: Putting Monday in Perspective

Today’s cause of laughing maniacally in the workplace comes from Cracked.com’s The 10 Worst Ice Cream Flavors Ever (An Obituary): Feel free to check the link for the other 8.

7. Wheat

The retarded cousin of green tea ice cream, wheat manages to be even closer to tasting like dirty ice. The hint of grain suspended on a thin bed of s*** will make you wish you weren’t the kind of ignorant tool who buys wheat ice cream.

4. Tomato

“Ketchup” would probably be a better descriptor, once you add in the liquid component. It makes me wonder if anyone’s ever made a whole ice cream burger by putting ketchup ice cream and mustard ice cream onto some beef ice cream between two layers of wheat ice cream. Then I wonder whether a situation could ever arise in which I am expected to eat something like that. Then I wonder if I have enough aspirin in the house to kill myself.

Indy’s Back (And Not Much Worse For Wear)

The next big buzz in this summer’s lineup is the new Indiana Jones film. There seems to be this huge hubbub about it, and understandably so. After all, Raiders of the Lost Ark was one of the best action films of all time, in my (and many others’) opinions. And the other Indy films certainly didn’t disappoint.

As if Harrison Ford’s spectacular role as Han Solo wasn’t enough to forever shape our opinion of him.

Still, I must admit (for the first time), that I haven’t really been all that excited to see this movie. After Iron Man, going to the opening of Indy seems like staying after the headliner to see the opening act (remember, I’m a huge superhero geek). It was so good that I can’t really be excited about another movie for awhile. Other reasons why I was hesitant about this movie:

* George Lucas’ other recent sequels (ahem) failed miserably, albeit not unexpectedly.
* Sean Connery will not be making a return as Indy’s father. Sadly, he is now retired. The world is a much less exciting place.
* There is a rumor going around that Shia LeBouf is going to be the new Indy (Ford is almost 66), which borders on blasphemy. Even if there’s some truth to it, to suggest that Ford will retire as Indy is one of those things you just don’t say, not even in a whisper.

Despite all this, I have recently become excited about this movie. Here are the main reasons why:

* Spielberg is involved. Almost everything this guy touches is gold, especially Indy, which involves a collaboration between Lucas, Spielberg, and Ford. What a team, assuming Lucas doesn’t ruin it with his new ideas, which he almost did in the early stages.
* Karen Allen is back as Marion (Raiders of the Lost Ark), which is just awesome.
* LeBouf, despite what I said earlier, is a great actor. Check out Even Stevens, Holes, I, Robot. Now you might be thinking, “Indy is an action franchise, not a comedy.” Check out Constantine, or more importantly, Transformers. LeBouf has a sort of dry demeanor that seems to supply exactly the right type of humor to make an awesome action movie even more entertaining (so did Downey, Jr. in Iron Man!).

* The stunts. This is the reason to see this movie. Although they’ve kept this film under wraps until it debuts at the Cannes Festival on May 18, some people have seen it.

“It’s the same vibe, the same feel. They didn’t miss a beat,” Flanery (he played young Indy in the show) said of “Crystal Skull.” “People are going to love it. It’s what everybody’s been waiting for.”

“We did it sort of old-school-style,” Ford said. “Certainly, there is a fair amount of CGI that will be used, enhancing a lot of what we did, but generally not in the action area. It will enhance some of the physical sets. In the action area, it was pretty much done for real.”

Did you read that? Ford is closing in on 66 years old (64 when filming) and he’s still doing his own stunts!!!

From Imdb.com:

To reprise his role as the legendary explorer Indiana Jones, the 64-year-old Harrison Ford spent three hours a day at the gym, and subsisted on a high-protein diet of fish and vegetables, thus building his body into a condition where he could perform his own stunts (he always kept himself fit anyway, as he hoped to complete all the five Indiana Jones films that were originally planned in the 1980s). Steven Spielberg later stated he was so impressed with Ford’s form that he could not tell the difference between the shoots for the third and fourth films.

That’s it. I’m all out. I could probably go on, but I got even more excited just typing up this post. And if you aren’t excited by now, there’s no hope for you. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. May 22.

Some cool trivia (no spoilers til at least May 18 )

revamp

I’ve been kicking around the idea of turning this into an entertainment and movie blog, since 1) it’s more fun for me to write about stuff like that, 2) people generally seem to enjoy it more, and 3) it gets more hits.

Funny thing, I had been checking my stats to see what traffic is like, and I seem to be getting 30-40 hits per day on my Wolverine post from people googling “wolverine.”  After letting curiosity get the better of me, I finally discovered that one of the photos I posted on that entry is the 5th hit on google images.  Thought that was pretty sweet.

Anyways, don’t be surprised if there is a change in format sometime in the next couple weeks.

Marvel, I Love You

Iron Man almost broke a box office record this weekend. It was the second best premiere of all time for a non-sequel movie. Since Thursday, the film has grossed over $104 million.

The cool thing about this film is that it’s getting rave reviews from everyone, critics included. It could be because the special effects leave the number one non-sequel premier (Spider-Man) in its dust. Or because the writing is funny, clever, and never boring. Or it could have something to do with the amazing cast (Robert Downey, Jr. is the spitting image of Tony Stark). Either way, this movie is a must-see.

Honestly, I’m not surprised that it did so well. Marvel recently revamped their business structure. They are now outsourcing their toy manufacturing, and instead have created Marvel Studios. Iron Man is the first release produced directly by Marvel. The Incredible Hulk will be the second which incidentally will have Downey, Jr. in a cameo as Iron Man.

IMPORTANT NOTE FOR THE NERDS!!! It was obvious to some of us that all these Marvel films were bound to have some crossover. However, when Marvel’s films were produced by other companies (Spider-Man, X-Men, Daredevil, Fantastic Four, etc.), this crossover was impossible. Politics, and all that. I assume that (if you are a true nerd), you at least noticed that the Kingpin in Daredevil not only looked nothing like the Marvel Kingpin, but never appeared in any of the Spider-Man movies, despite being one of Spidey’s most famous enemies. Well, now that Marvel is producing their own films, this will start to show up. Case and point: Hulk and Iron Man.

By the way, for those skeptical about seeing The Incredible Hulk, I say it again: Marvel is producing this. It will be fine. It should not be considered a sequel to the overly dramatic Hulk. I’m not saying it will be as good as Iron Man, but who knows?

This from Imdb.com:

Eric Bana commented that the mood during shooting was “ridiculously serious and morbid.” Ang Lee explained to him that he was shooting a sort of superhero tragedy and he would be making a whole other movie about the Hulk at the Industrial Light and Magic studios. Ironically, the film was criticised as being an overly serious superhero film.

Edward Norton was approached to play Bruce Banner, but turned it down. He later accepted the role in The Incredible Hulk (2008), considered an indirect sequel to this film.

UPCOMING PLANS FOR MARVEL!!! Iron Man 2 has already been announced (if it wasn’t obvious enough already). Here is a list of what else Marvel is planning:

* The Incredible Hulk (June 2008 )
* Punisher: War Zone (December 2008 )
* X-Men Origins: Wolverine (May 2009)
* Iron Man 2 (April 2010)
* Thor (July 2010)
* Sub-Mariner (TBD 2010)
* Ant-Man (TBD 2010)
* Dr. Strange (TBD 2010)
* The First Avenger: Captain America (May 2011)
* The Avengers (July 2011)

I could go on for days (check out my post on X-Men Origins: Wolverine). But I will say this. See Iron Man in theaters. And make sure you stay til the end of the credits (must…resist…commenting…spoiler…arggh…).

Test your basic Iron Man knowledge here.

Insane “Sports”

I wanted to do a write up on this article I read, but it pretty much speaks for itself.  All I can say is thank you, cracked.com, for making my day significantly more entertaining.  Click the link for pictures, explanations, and videos on these hilarious sports.

The 10 Most Insane “Sports” in the World
10. The Cooper’s Hill Cheese Rolling and Wake
9.   Hurling
8.   Eukonkanto (Wife Carrying)
7.   Buzkashi
6.   The Eton Wall Game
5.   Jai-Alai
4.   Chess Boxing
3.   World Mountain Bike Bog Snorkeling Championships
2.   Kabaddi
1.   Royal Shrovetide Football

How much do I love Sweeney?

I discovered today the reason that Sweeney Todd has not yet been released (or announced) on Blu-ray. Paramount is releasing the film in North America. They also happened to be allied with Toshiba in the Blu-ray/HD-DVD battle, before Toshiba’s format went belly-up. So when Sweeney Todd was slated for release, Paramount was working on the HD-DVD format.

Word is that Todd will probably be available by the fall on Blu-ray in North America. It had better be, if Paramount wants to stem the fury of millions of rabid Burton/Depp fans. Hell hath no fury like a Depp-crazed woman (or, in this case, man) with a PS3.

However, I did discover another interesting detail. Warner is releasing Sweeney Todd in the UK, which means it will be available for Blu-ray soon (May 19). The kicker is the price tag. First, you have to pay for shipping (Amazon.co.uk items don’t qualify for Super Saver Shipping to America). Second, you’re dealing with the currently poor exchange rate. Ouch.

Grand total in U.S. dollars (with exchange rate as of 11:07 AM today): $41.48.

How much do I love Sweeney? Enough to pay 40 bucks to import? Or can I hold out til Paramount gets their act together?

ugly

I’ve been trying to think of a way to post on a specific issue I’ve been dealing with, but without hurting a couple peoples’ feelings.

The issue is about how I look and feel.

I’ve felt progressively fatter and uglier in the past six months or so. Maybe I’ve gotten uglier, and I am fairly certain I’ve gotten fatter, but being true doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

I’ve been running, exercising, and making a solid attempt to eat more healthy (which isn’t so easy, with the very limited budget I’m working with), and I haven’t really noticed a difference.

I bought a scale recently, and have been using it regularly. Sometimes my weight drops, which makes me happy, but I don’t notice a difference in my appearance. However, when it goes up, I definitely notice.

I know this is something that a large portion of America deals with. We all have misgivings about our looks, and it’s much more noticeable when we gain weight than when we lose it, especially psychologically. Still, recently I have found myself preoccupied many many times every single day with how ugly I must look. I’ve never been so concerned with my appearance before. Just ask my family. We used to get into arguments, because I wanted to buy all my clothes at Wal-Mart to save money, despite how I looked in them. And yet lately, I’ve found myself having to try on more than one outfit before I feel comfortable leaving my apartment.

When did this happen?

I always tell people to dress for how they look, not how they want to look. Not that I’m not an advocate of motivating yourself to slim down, but I don’t believe that making yourself look unattractive is an effective way to do this.

I say this because I realized a week or two ago that I don’t want to go down to Fresno/Clovis as much as I used to. This could be because of my falling out with Nicole. Or because I’m too tired all the time from work. Or because I’ve been so busy that I need more alone time. But I realized last time I was there that I don’t feel nearly as insecure about the way I look anywhere on Earth as I do when I’m in town.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I do know I’m exercising (and trying to eat right). And that is hard enough. I actively seek out and request advice almost daily on exercise and diet techniques. This is what helps me. Telling me to change outfits, no matter how or why you do it, is not helping. It makes me feel like crap. All the time.

The last time anyone suggested I looked poorly was over two weeks ago, and it still bothers me every single day. I wouldn’t even be going back into town for a couple months if there weren’t 4 birthdays coming up, one of them being my own.

My goal was to weigh 200 pounds by June 1. 34 days left and 12 pounds to go. I think I can still do it, but I have no idea how much running and how little eating that will require.

EDIT:

THE MATH:
NOTE: Math is a very rough estimate. This does not include factors like metabolism or carbohydrates. Numbers are approximated.

1 lb. body fat = 3500 calories
1 mile = 138 calories
34 days to lose 42000 calories (12 lbs. x 3500 calories)
8400 calories per week (1200 per day)
61 miles per week (9 per day)

I’m starting tonight. I will be running/jogging/walking a MINIMUM of 8 miles per day, EVERY DAY, until June 1.